


Model Behavior

by dod123



Category: Homestuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-12-30
Updated: 2012-05-19
Packaged: 2017-10-28 12:44:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dod123/pseuds/dod123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes an idea will get so stuck in your head that there is nothing you can do except try it out.</p><p>**I have abandoned this story because it is extremely out of character and messed up and just horrible. I'm posting the rest of what I have though in case anyone is inspired or I end up doing an overhaul of the entire thing.**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“You could do that.”

“What?” You don’t ask it like a question so much as state it as deadpan-ily as possible. Then you proceed to stare at your roommate Equius Zahhak from the kitchen where yo’re ironically making dinner for the two of you like a perfect fucking housewife, frilly apron included. Equius is sprawled across the sofa, (not-ironically) watching Project Runway. His face is turning blue.

“Um… Nothing.” Equius begins to sweat and is turning bluer by the second as you continue to stare at him.

“What?” You ask again plaintively, making sure to keep your face straight and your voice flat, though you are now quite curious.

“Really… it’s of no importance.” You quirk an eyebrow over your shades, but keep your mouth in a determined line.

“Tell me.” You stare a few seconds longer as Equius shifts uncomfortably on the couch. “That’s an order.” Adding that’ll get Equius to do anything- it’s part of one of his gross fetishes. You don’t get it.

“It’s this… show.” Equius pauses, trying to pick his words carefully, and scratches his broken horn. ”The models. You keep saying that people… mistake you for a girl. You do… have slightly… feminine features. I was just… thinking that you’d be able to do that.”

“Model?” You aren’t sure if you want to sigh in exasperation or laugh hysterically. You settle for a smirk. “Figures. You just want to see me in a dress.”

“Dave!” Equius manages to choke out. “That’s not very appropriate.”

You walk over to the couach and lean on the armrest.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to hide you raging boner,” you say with an inward laugh.

“Da-” You wave Equius’ words away and stare intently at the screen of the tv, where models are walking up and down the catwalk in outlandish outfits.

“You really think I could do it?” you ask with a hint of skepticism in your voice.

“I… I… yes?”

And that is how Dana Strider is born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is my first fanfic, and it really sucks. Unfortunately there is no forseeable end so all we can do is hope that it gets better.


	2. Chapter 2

“Look, Mr. Scratch-“

“Right, sorry- Doc Scratch.”

“Yes, I realize that but really- we have a lot on our plates. I don’t think we-“

“Of course. We’ll do our best, sir!” you say brightly into the receivor before hearing a loud click on the other end. You sigh heavily, laying your head on your desk and letting your dark hair fall over your face.

Your name is Jade Harley and you are the manager of Ambiguity, a modeling agency (kind of,) and you are also feeling very, very stressed. You have a runway show next week, a ton of new model aplications to look through, you have to find a new stylist and makeup artist after the last two eloped to Vegas, and your boss, Mr Doc Scratch, wants you to organize another show less than a month from now. Ever since you took this job, you haven’t even been able to get to the local firing range!

You sigh again and call John in. John is your half brother and second in charge. he is also the first and foremost chief hairstylist. With his attitude and occupation, you’re not quite sure how your brother isn’t gay. Some girl will be lucky though, that is, if she can get him out of her hair and into her pants.

“Yes, Jade?” John walks into your cupboard office and laughs. “What can I do for you?”

“Well, today you have three girls to style for Eridan’s photoshoot- Rose and two newer models. Then you need to look over the plans for the show next week and talk to Knaya about what she wants for the hair. Tomorrow you’re helping with a shoot, and I was hoping that you’d be able to help me schedule interviews for some of these applicants.” You gesture to a large stack of resumes.

John grins and, infectiously, you smile back.

“You got it, sis.” He turns to walk out of your closet office. “I’ll stop by after I meet with Kanaya. That should only take a couple hours.” John rolls his eyes. He and Kanaya always have lengthy debates over what’s best for the models. “Chinese food?”

“The usual.” You’re still smiling as John closes the door and you get back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter. Chapter three is longer, I promise. It also takes place in between chapter one and two. My fanfic is almost as nonlinear as the comic.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this takes place in between chapters one and two, but closer to one than two. Very confusing. It's probably the longest chapter you're ever going to get, but that's mostly to do with me being awful at writing.

— turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering centaursTesticle[CT] at 20:25—

TG: remind me why are we changing my name

CT: D—> You sh001d have been e%pecting this

CT: D—> If you are planning on going through with this, it w001d be wise to change your name

TG: i bet there are tons of girls named dave

TG: the girls are practically tripping over eachother to be called dave

CT: D—> Well you are not a girl

CT: D—> We must be careful to avert as much suspicion as possible

TG: fine

— turntechGodhead[TG] ceased pestering centaursTesticle[CT] at 20:30—

It took a while to get things in order. Equius somehow managed to get you a pair of alarmingly real looking breasts from some geeky friend he takes classes with. You didn’t stop teasing him about it for a week. The boobs aren’t that huge, just a b cup or something. You order a couple bras online to work with.

Once your hair grows long enough to pull into a messy ponytail, you go about acquiring some female clothes. The fake breasts make your shirts a lot tighter and you notice that you get a lot of looks when you walk through the mall, from humans and trolls alike. Quickly, you duck into a store that looks vaguely feminine out of the corner of you eye to get out of all the appraising glances.

You look around at your new surroundings and find yourself to be in a makeup store. May as well as learn how to put in on now, you guess.

“Excuse me, miss?” You ask in your best, most convincing falsetto that you’ve been practicing on Equius. “Can you teach me how to put on makeup?”

The clerk doesn’t look completely sure what’s happening, like it may be a prank, but leads you to a chair anyways.

“Sit down,” she says giggling. Thin as a beanpole, the girl is a couple inches shorter than you. You comply and stare up at her face. Her hair is whiter than yours and her eyes are pale blue, almost completely devoid of pigment. Her face is rounded, not thin and sharp but definitely not fat. A pale blush on her cheeks is the only color in her face which is close enough to yours that you can see her envelope earrings. She giggles again. “Take off your sunglasses and we’ll start.

Shit

Fear streaks through you. You’re not even sure why you’re so nervous but your eyes- your eyes. You have to go, to get out, quickly, quickly, quickly.

“Oh.” Your voice is wavering. Shit. “Look at the tim- I have to go. Bye.”

You get out of the chair and flash step out the door, not looking back for the gauranteed look of confusion on the girls face. You twist through the crowd, looking for someplace- anyplace- to hide in and settle your stomach. Ducking into a a door marked employees only, you crouch nto a ball.

You sunglasses- your eyes- your stomache. You rub it a little to help it calm down. It was programmed into you, this freaky nervous breakdown reaction. Bro had always said, don’t let anyone see your eyes. You were hardpressed to get a better answer than that, it was always just, don’t let anyone see your eyes. It had gotten to you, even Equius since he graduated high school last year had only seen your eyes once. Oh gog- what if she had seen?

But she hadn’t. That’s what matter.

It was a major oversight for Equius and you, though. You couldn’t let people find out about your eyes, and wearing sunglasses all the time probably wasn’t going to fly, even if they were the shades your brother gave you. You should probably look for a more feminine pair, anyways, plus the glasses from your brother just sort of stopped being ironic some time ago.

After you catch you breath and get your pulse (relatively) undercontrol, you feel ready to brave the dangerous waters of the mall again. It’d be awful to come to the mall and get eyegroped by a bunch of hormonal womanizing teenage boys (never had to say that before) for nothing.

So you walk out of the dark guts of the mall (a place not too many people get the pleasure of seeing) and stroll into a woman’s store that sells clothes, among other items such as perfumes, bags, jewelry, and a bunch of other crap that must be really, really important to woment if they need to sell so much of it. It’s times like this that you’re glad you aren’t actually a women, just crossdressing as one. (Never had to say that either.)

You buy a couple shirts that don’t reveal you (faux) cleavage to the world and a skir and a dress or two (all on clearance, you aren’t made of money,) then you’re off to your apartment you share with Equius, where you find him watching the damn tv show that started this all. He still wasn’t even watching ironically.

* * *

Fifteen dollars plus shipping and handling later, you go back to the makeup store, Andrea’s, wearing you new pair of fucking awesome shades, color contacts, and one of your new dresses. It was still a new experiance for you, not having anything between your legs, which, oever the weekend you had shaved, along with your armpits. (You’re lucky that you have the amazing inability to grow facial hair and that your arm hairs are too fine to see.)

“Oh!” The girl from before is there behind the counter. She blushes a bit. “I wasn’t expecting you to come back.”

Now that you take a look at her you can see she’s young, probably not even out of highschool. You’ve come to the right place for makeup, though, seeing as that’s the only color on her that sin’t from her clothes or stamp earrings. She’s closer to albino than you are.

“Sorry if you missed me,” you say haughtily, in you perfected female voice. She was probably really freaked out by your behavior the last time you saw her and hadn’t had your act together.

“Well,” she says, her doubts about your gender momentarily put to rest, “do you still want to learn about cosmetics?”

“Hit me with it, babe.”

She giggles. “Alright, but no disappearing this time. By the way, my name’s Ruri.”

“Dana.”

Ruri leads you back and you sit down in the chair.

“Off with your glasses, now.” She laughs.

You nod and comply. Ruri stares down at you.

“I’ve never met someone with purple eyes,” she says hesitantly and after a long pause.

“They’re contacts,” you reply, being completely and totally honest.

“What color are you actual eyes?”

“Sorry, that’s classified.” Ruri laughs again.

“Okay then, let’s get started.”

Half an hour later you leave Andrea’s with a bag full of ten dollars worth of makeup and a hundred dollars worth of free samples. You reutn home to find Equius watching project runway. You figure you have acting like a bitch down part, but the technical stuff wouldn’t hurt so, without saying anything, you settle into the couch across from him and begin taking notes.

It’s well into the night and Equius has classes tomorrow morning, but together you watch the tv in comfortable (and slightly sweaty) silence, surrounded by stacks of modeling applications.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four takes place after chapter two, and I apologize in advance for the shortness.

Your name is John Egbert and you are in love, and this time it's not even because of her hair.

Today was the first time you talked to her. Her name's Dana, Dana Strider, which is one of the coolest names ever, and she's probably the coolest girl ever and she's just amazing! Her hair isn't the longest but it's fun to work with (not that there is actually any hair that isn't fun to work with,) and the way she looks actually reminds you of another model, Rose, except Rose's features are way more delicate and until now you didn't know that it was a bad thing. You wonder if they're related?

You think back to this morning, doing her hair for her first photoshoot ever (she's lucky it's with Eridan. There aren't many photographers of his quality, even if he can't seem to get a date,) taking off her glasses, seeing her eyes.

"Wow! You have purple eyes!"

"They're contacts."

"And what color are they really?"

Dana stares at you with a look part glare and part smirk and a whole lot of parts poker face that says 'get real, you idiot.' And also a little (a lot) of "whatever are you going to finish my hair or not?"

"Confedential information, Egderp." Dana's voice is flat and monotone, empty of all emotion.

"You know, another model here has purple eyes."

"Really?" You think Dana sounds surprised, but it's hard to tell and you are probably just reading to much into it, which people keep saying you tend to do.

"Yeah, not contacts, too. Her name's Rose Lalonde, she's actually sitting down over there." You point her out.

Following your finger, Dana squints at Rose, a moment of confusion (you think) flashing on her face before her normal deadpan look returns. You wish she would smile, a real smile, just for you.

From what Jade tells you, Dana's photoshoot went very well.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, really, very sorry.

"Hey, cool kid!" Terezi grins maniacally into her cup of coffee as you slide into the seat across from her.

"You sure you should be drinking that stuff? You're hyper enough as it is, like a kid on a sugar high. Don't want to be giving them any __more __caffeine." Terezi cackles hysterically. "But seriously, it's good to see you."

"I'm sure it would be very good to see you, too." She glares at you from behind her red glasses. "It really would be though, from what I've been hearing. Care to explain, Dave?"

"Shh. Don't call me that. My name's Dana now, and depending on who you've been hearing things from it could be true."

"Well my sources are very reliable, but I want to hear things from you, _Dana _."__

"Cross dressing, modeling, the whole shebang. How much are you smelling, because I'm the hottest girl here."

"I'm sure. Your hair smells good, like peaches."

"That would be the shampoo. So how have your classes been?"

"Fine, fine." Terezi takes a mix of legal and arts at OSU. You're pretty sure none of the professors know what to make of her, even though she's the top of all her classes. "They're easy, as always. There's been no competition since you dropped out."

"They all under appreciated my skills. I couldn't take it anymore."

"You mean, you couldn't take the work." You laugh.

"Yeah, that too."

"So how's Equius been doing so far?"

"The kid's doing fine- tons better than me."

"Is he still paying all of your bills?"

"Of course not!" You haven't actually helped pay for anything since you quit your job at Target, for much of the same reasons you dropped out of college. Also, they wouldn't let you wear your sunglasses during your shift.

"You reek of denial, _Dana _. I suppose Equius is the one paying for all of this, too?"__

She supposes right. You let the guilt coil in your stomach for a moment before pushing it away. "Jeez, 'Rezi, I don't come to these dates to be cross examined. Anyways, I have to be at the mall in five minutes. Care to join me?"

"Why Dana? Whatever for?"

"Makeup lessons- I'm learning from the pro. This girl's a genius."

"I'm hurt you didn't ask me for help," Terezi's voice drips with fake resentment. You almost laugh.

"And risk looking like an insane juggalo? I think not. You'd have a much easier time with the corpses you practice with for class." Terezi's face breaks into wicked glee as the two of you pickup your stuff and leave.

"Well, I can't wait to meet her."

* * *

"Ruri, I'd like you to meet my friend Terezi," you say in your falsetto. Terezi raises an eyebrow at your general direction in what you take as amazement. "I hope you don't mind that she's a troll, and a blind one at that."

"Oh, I don't mind at all- my matesprit's a troll."

"Matesprit? So he has you using quadrants already?"

"Oh, well, um, she's kind of traditional so I try to be sensitive."

"She?"

"That's another reason. I hope I haven't made you uncomfortable?"

"Not at all. Dana's used to experimenting." Terezi sends you a smug glance.

"Yeah. Once I dated this troll- god he was a complete asshole. Taught me more about trolls than my blue blood roommate at least." You realize too late that the notion of you dating a guy probably wasn't that shocking and definitely not what you were going for. Nonchalantly you add on, "Terezi here wasn't that much better for our brief fling." 

Terezi swats at your shins. Turning to Ruri she says, "You smell just like snow- or maybe your human angels. Not the demonic troll ones."

You underestimated the power of taking Terezi with you. She insists on smelling all of the makeup and by the time you leave she has red lipstick all over her face, Ruri is wearing much more noticeable makeup, and you've learned the nuances of using bright colors together.

All in all, a very productive day.


	6. Chapter 6

It's late and you're working on some parts you borrowed from the garage. Almost midnight late, indecent late, seeing how you have classes tomorrow morning, but working on robots always helps calm you down. Your robots are probably the only thing keeping the apartment running with you working part time, taking classes the other part, and Dave now working full time. At least, that's what you think he's been doing ever since he started cross dressing, but you can't be sure since you never see any of the money he's supposedly making. You don't know if it's because he's spending it all or if Dave's just lying about it, which there's a good chance of, probably having something to do with irony.

Which is why you're staying up so late in the first place.

You take a deep breath and carefully place the piece you were tinkering with on the desk before you, composing yourself. It's been years since you've accidentally smashed something and you have managed to keep your strength under control, but it never hurts to be careful.

"Fuck, Zahhak. What are you doing up?"

You almost jump. You didn't hear Dave, as usual. "That kind of language isn't appropriate," you say in vain, Dave never listens to you. "Where have you been?"

"Work."

You doubt that, just a little. It's not that you don't trust Dave, it's just you could really use the money. With your paycheck and monthly allowance from Arthour, the two of you get by pretty well, but after all the money you've spent on Dave's new 'project,' your spread pretty thin. The sooner he starts bringing in money the better.

"Did you talk to Kanaya?"

"Yep."

"So everything's okay?"

"I think so, but it's hard to tell with flighty broads like her."

You don't bring up the money to Dave. He's your best friend, and at times, your only friend. It really doesn't matter if he borrows some money. You're sure he'll pay you back. Eventually. Besides, you'll be fine with a little less money than usual. You've managed with worse before.

Dave's turning his towards his room and you feel like you should say something but you don't know what. 

So you let him abscond to the safe haven of his room.

Sighing, you put down the parts and go to bed yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of what I have


End file.
